Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Cans and Haves

If you follow along regularly, you know we have experienced some pretty difficult things in the last year and we continue to walk through trials with my Dad undergoing chemo (one big dose every 3 weeks) and radiation (every day for 7 weeks). He has two weeks down and way more to go than he would like. 

He has started to feel more of the symptoms they warned him about and is doing his very best to fight through the pain of swallowing in order to get food in him and avoid the feeding tube that he so desperately dreads.  

We have also had trials on the job front as we have experienced some of the more frustrating parts of the business of professional sports these last few weeks, and really the past year. Nevertheless, God has been faithful through it all and we continue to move forward, one step at a time, even if the road ahead seems unclear. 

This post isn't supposed to be a downer though because the reality is, in almost any situation in life, there's enough negative and enough positive that can cause us to feel one way or the other. It's our choice which one we let affect us.

I choose the positive! Despite all the less than ideal moments of our current situations, good things are coming from them, and we do actually have some very exciting things going on. 

By exciting things I mean one REALLY exciting thing: My sister's getting married!

♥ Photo taken by Maria Butterfield

The announcement on my blog is sort of overdue but as you can guess by my sudden slow down in blogging, I just can't seem to get a grip on life at the moment and often find myself behind on so. many. things.

Riss isn't behind though. She's rockin' life at the moment with school, taking care of my Dad, helping out my Mom and planning the wedding of her dreams, to the man of her dreams. 

♥ Photo taken by Maria Butterfield ♥
The date is set. The dress is secured. The location is locked down. Cakes are soon to be tested. Flowers will be ordered. And I get to be here for it all. 

Well, maybe not all of it but certainly a good portion of it thanks to some crazy last minute change in travel plans which I will explain in the very near future once Luis and I have a better idea of what we are doing with God fills us in on His current plan for our lives. 

We could not be more excited for Riss and Zach to enter the wonderful world of marriage and to begin their journey together through this thing we call life. Luis and I love married life and can't wait to swap stories with them as they experience all the awesome and hilarious moments that come with joining two lives together.  

It's crazy that it's been almost three years since my own wedding day! Crazy how time flies. There are days when I just want to hit pause and savor the moment just a little bit more. 

And then there are days when I would love to hit fast forward to get out of the unknown and into the realm of understanding where I can say "Ah, okay God, I see what you were doing there. Now it all makes sense."

At the moment I feel caught between the desire to pause and the desire to fast forward. 

I want to pause and cherish each second I have with my family. 

I want to fast forward to when I get to see my husband again. 

I want to pause and celebrate the excitement that comes with new love and the fun of helping my baby sister plan her wedding. 

I want to fast forward to the end of Dad's treatment, to the day when he is free and clear of this ugly cancer monster.

I want to pause and enjoy the time Luis and I have together and the simplicity of our day-to-day life.

I want to fast forward to his dreams coming together the way he has prayed they would for so long. 

I am learning lately that I can't have it all. Shocker, I know, but somehow I thought I could and I tried so hard to make it happen! I learned real quick life don't work (bad English used on purpose, sorry English majors!) that way when no matter what I did, I actually couldn't be in two places at once. Bummer. 

I am in a constant state of being torn between two things that I want and love. Wanting to be in Germany to support my husband. Wanting to be home to help my dad. Wanting to be with my kiddos at the school. Wanting to wedding plan with my sister and mom.

There's a whole lot of "wants" going on here. Eek, sorry, I sound kind of bratty. I really hope it's not coming across that way because I think we can all relate to this in some way or another. Each day brings choices and we can't have them all. 

But that which we can have, we should do everything we can to have to the fullest. 

And so today, I'll hit pause, and make the most of each second of what I can have. 

I can't be with Luis, but I can be there for him through prayer and can enjoy great conversation with him over the phone. 

I can't make Dad feel better, but I can trust that Jesus will heal him and restore him to full strength in His time.

I can't know what the future holds, but I can focus on the here and now and savor each moment where ever I am and with whoever I am with. 

I can't control what happens in our lives, but I can control how I respond to it. 

I can't be with my love, but I can be so incredibly grateful for the love he and I share, and I can celebrate the love around me between my Mom and my Dad as they fight this trial together head on, and my sister and her fiancee as they prepare for their wedding. 

♥ Photo taken by Maria Butterfield ♥
Congratulations Sister and (future) Brother! May you always focus on the "cans" and forget the "cant's" and cherish the "haves" and ignore the "have nots".

And for the rest of you wonderful readers, hit pause on this Wednesday and make the most of each moment that it brings your way! 

Blessings from Arizona.


Riss said... Best Blogger Tips

I love how dad sleeps with his phone in hand hahaha.
Thanks sister for your excitement about wedding stuff. I know you miss hubster but it is fun having you here!

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

Congrats Carissa! So exciting! Love the blog Cara. I think we can all relate to wanting it all, but ultimately we know that all we can do is live in the present, give our best that day, and the rest is up to God. Will keep you and your family in our prayers. Blessings! Jackie & David Bacon

H. Gillham said... Best Blogger Tips

What a sweet [and wise] post about how we all want to fast forward through the things we don't like to get to the good stuff. The lesson is that it is all good; we just have to search for it.

Blessings on you and your whole family.


Julie Lucas said... Best Blogger Tips

I can't be there for you like I would like to be but I can pray for you all daily and I do and know that I love you all. Prayers and hugs from the Lucas's and give Riss a big smooch from me!


TChase said... Best Blogger Tips

Well said, Cara. Thank you.

Karlberg Fam said... Best Blogger Tips

Carissa is so beautiful! I haven't seen her since she was like 12! That's so exciting. what a nice post. Thanks.

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

The picture of you dad on the couch was very touching to my heart. I'm looking forward to some one on one blogging with you and Carissa next week. If it were possible, it would be nice for you to be a "clone" at this very moment. Me, oh my, how we need the LORD!

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